Battle of the Jacks
by AshirogiAji de Mars
Summary: Two opposites become stepbrothers. The only things they have in common were their connections to the Seiyo Academy Guardians. What comedy will take place? Slight Drake and Josh parody
1. No way, man!

Battle of the Jacks.

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K&K (not Kenan and Kei peoples, lol)

Summary: Two totally opposite boys become brothers. The only thing they had in common was their involvement with the guardians at Seiyo Academy... one the neat-freak genius, the other a laid-back jock. Follows a similar sitcom format; a Drake and Josh parody.

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Kukai and his dad were at the Sanjou residence. Something big was about to happen.

"Ah, son," Mr. Souma began. "Just wait in the kitchen until I call you out." Kukai nodded and started to stare at a random mini-bonsai near the windowsill. Not that he wanted to, but the soon-to-be-heard sounds of smooching and love made him grimace. He would do anything to rid of it. Not that he minded, but it was just so strange that his single dad was so interested in this woman all of a sudden.

Soon after, the sound of the front door opening was heard. Kairi walked into the living room. "Afternoon, mother... and Mr. Souma..." He too grimaced. It's been a month since his parents divorced. Kairi decided to stay in his hometown with his mom, and his dad's whereabouts were unknown. But just one month later and boom. Just like that, Ms. Sanjou was into another guy, who was the total opposite of his dad; the guy he had always idolized. "This is chicken," Kairi said flatly after realizing that his mom and ..._that guy_ ignored him. He took out a mini gong and sounded it. The couple jumped.

"Kairi!?" Just then, Kukai came out. "Was I called? anyone hurt?"

"No, no, Ku-kun," said Ms. Sanjou.

"Why are you addressing me that way!?" said Kukai.

"Why is this guy here?" asked Kairi.

The lovers had ridiculous smiles on their faces. "Kairi, get your sister."

"Nee-san!" Kairi yelled. The older girl came by with a sleepy expression. "Gosh, ever since I drove all the way here... NOW are they done sucking face yet?"

"We have some news..." Ms. Sanjou said.

"...You got me a new katana?" Kairi asked nervously, hoping that it wasn't what he thought it was. Kukai just grinned.

"Tell them," said Kukai. "Just get it over with."

Once upon a time, the world went upside down when the lovers blurted out the _big news._

"WE'RE GETTING MARRIED!!"

Kairi took a step back, pointing at the two individuals; two who were to _become an item._ "So... you guys are getting... m-m-ma...mar... -marri..."

"Yup!" Mrs. Sanjou said cheerfully. Mr. Souma added, "We're becoming one heck of a big family!"

"You... will be my... my stepfather?" Mr. Souma gave a hearty pat to Kairi that sent him forward.

"AND YOU! You're going to be my--"

"HUG ME BROTHA!" Kukai said, glomping the taller boy who was slightly raised off the ground.

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Please send me reviews and suggestions!


	2. Curiosity and Shrimp Chips

Battle of the Jacks.

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Recap: Kairi and Kukai's parents get married, making them stepbrothers. How will the combined families do?

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Mrs. Sanjou, who decided to keep her last name after the re-marriage, ented Kairi's room. She found her son writing and focused, but calm. This was pretty normal for him.

"What you writing?" Mrs. Sanjou asked, setting down some luggage she was carrying.

"Nothing much..." the boy mumbled. "Just... just an 10,000 word essay on why Kukai's not sharing a room with me!" Kairi continued writing.

"Oh, look." The green-head's mom walked closer to her son and smiled calmly. "You don't know him that well yet, so give him a chance and..."

"He's ... he's sloppy and..." Kairi couldn't think of anything else to accuse the boy of, but something about him was annoying. "Okay. I'll get to know him but he's not--"

"Hey, lil' bro!" Kukai bursted into the room with a big bag. "I bought you some shrimp chips." (A/N: Kukai is about 3 years older, I think.)

"He's here." Mrs. Sanjou rolled her eyes from hearing Kairi complain about it.

"Look man," said Kukai. "They're not as bad as you think. I thought you wouldn't like the ham and cheese flavoring with the extra fat and all but --" Boom. Kairi slammed the door in Kukai's face.

"I knew I should've got the flavored ones," whimpered Kukai on the other side.

"Well, I guess I'll have to get some work done around here," Mrs. Sanjou said. "I'll leave you too alone." She walked out the door, and Kukai stepped into Kairi's room with awe. "This... place... is... awesome!" He looked towards a neat futon on a raised bamboo platform. "No way! This looks so traditional, man!" Kukai took some steps back and got into sprinting position.

"No, don't--!" Before the green-head knew it, the other boy jumped onto it, shaking the platform and messing up the carefully folded futon. "The green touch to the covers match my jammies! And your hair too! Thanks for lending me this bed, Kairi!"

"No, I sleep there. You sleep on the couch." Kairi pointed to a small couch in the corner near a vent.

"Dude, I'm recovering from a sports injury." Kukai said with a frown. "You can't do this to your older-bro!"

"Okay, like I care. Mom asked me to get the groceries so bye." Kairi put on a simple coat and walked towards the door.

"You coming back when?" Kukai asked.

"The place is close by. In an hour or two."

"Cool!" Kukai said with a thumbs-up smile. "I... I mean, hope everything's cool with... the... shopping... for groceries... stuff." By the time he finished his sentence, Kairi was already gone.

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Meanwhile, Mr. Souma and Mrs. Sanjou were ... in the living, flirting as newlyweds would. The feet of the two poked at each other from under a small table.

"I wonder... did your pinky toe just poke mine?" Mrs. Sanjou said playfully.

"I wonder... did my foot just..." Mr. Souma's foot caressed his lover's foot. "I guess it did."

"I wonder..." Kairi said from behind, "why am I not throwing up yet?"

The two newlyweds jumped from surprise. "You were spying on us!" Mr. Souma said, surprised. "And don't you have an errand from your lovely mom?" He gazed longingly into the other woman's eyes, and the two held hands.

"Yea. I'll be off now," said the green-head, who went out the door.

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After examining the random katanas on display in a case, Kukai was bored, until he saw a box. Curiosity getting the better of him, he opened it and found a familiar-looking blue cape. _So..._ the jock thought. _He was the new jack that Hinamori didn't get along with..._ He was about to open it, when Musashi came out of nowhere.

"DO NOT OPEN!!" The chara yelled, taking out a wooden sword, Kukai freaked out from the sudden appearance and voice. Daichi, however, was curious to meet the mini-samurai. "Let's see who's stronger," he said.

Musashi nodded, and made a dash towards the sports star.

"Life's good," Kukai said sleepily as he watched the two charas duel with a bag of shrimp chips in his hand. He looked towards the journal. Since it was left unguarded...

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**I'd appreciate reviews and ideas! No flaming, though!**


	3. The Kung Fu Princess

Battle of the Jacks

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Recap: Kairi's out grocery shopping, and Kukai sees a box that catches his eye.

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Kairi was throwing items into a cart while looking at a shopping list on stationary so cute that it made his eyes burn. While going on with his business, he felt someone tap him on the shoulder from behind.

"Hey, K." Said the random person who had a familiar voice. The green-haired boy turned around to see another tall dude with glasses and platinum blonde hair. He looked like the weird rich-kid wannabe who was the number one fan of a certain girl from Seiyo Academy, except... nerdier and much more foreign. He was a transfer student from America. The other guy beside him had red hair and many brown freckles.

"Oh, hey, Crug," Kairi said to the blonde.

"IT'S BOB!" He yelled. Everyone stared at the three. "You got the notes from last week ready?"

"Almost done, but the new kid in our family bugs me," Kairi sighed.

"Speaking of new kid, check this out!" Crug pulled out a School gazette and pointed to a drawing:

Kung-Fu Princess Dude!

**A HEART-WARMING BUTT-KICKING MOVIE!**

Production about a manly spy in disguise

By the_ Danchou Gakuen_ transfer students!

"That's nice to know. Have to get back before dark so later." Kairi paid for the groceries and headed back for home.

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Kukai was shuffling through the boxes. He was trying to remember something he had forgotten; it had something to do with preperation and brain-storming ideas for another something. Once his eye caught sight of a chinese fan, he remembered what he was missing when he heard a wild samurai cry and tumbling. Kukai peeped out of the room to see Musashi passed out with Daichi near the stairs.

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Kairi headed to his room to see two passed out guardian charas. He scooped up Musashi and put him on his shoulder.

"Yo, Kukai," He said upon entering. "Our shugo charas seem to have passed ou--GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!!" Kairi jerked back at the horror he was staring at. Musashi woke up and screamed along with his owner, and Daichi came into the room to see the mess... only to faint again.

Kukai Souma stood in front of Kairi in his sister's chinese dress with an extra small kimono making his chest look bigger. Not to mention that he had a pink wig on! That was a turn off! Kukai screamed like a girl, his face red with embarrassment.

"Oh my god..." went Kairi.

"I CAN EXPLAIN!"

"Oh my god--"

"I CAN EXPLAIN!"

"Nee-san! Kukai's dressed in--"

Kukai covered Kairi's mouth with the chinese fan. "**I! CAN! EXPLAIN!**"

"Why are you dressed like... Aya Natsume!?"

"That's... that's..." Kukai looked away as if he was about to cry. "Oh, lil' bro I can't tell you!"

"MOM! KUKAI'S DRESSED LIKE A W--!"

"OK! I'll tell you!" Kukai restrained Kairi all over again. "But you better not tell anyone!"

"Okay. Talk." Kairi said, sitting cross - legged on a random mat in his room.

"I'm... I'm... Kung-fu... pri...prin--" Kukai stumbled with words before saying the truth:

"I'M THE KUNG-FU PRINCESS!" Even if he tried, the green-haired boy couldn't restrain himself from tipping over onto his side and laughing like an idiot.

"But it's-- STOP LAUGHING!" Kukai said, taking out a random wooden naginata.

"That's a naginata...?" Kairi started to laugh all over again.

"I'm MANLY!" Kukai said, puffing up his chest in pride. Still, Kairi couldn't take him seriously. He really did look the part; a good disguise. It was so good that... Kairi pointed at Kukai's chest. "You call that manly." A hacky-sack fell out of the extra-small kimono. Kukai picked it up and stuffed it back in, tightening the kimono's belt. Kairi looked away. "Excuse me, ma'am."

"I'm a--ma'am!? No, that didn't come out right. Man! MAN!" Kukai was about to puff his chest up again, but instead covered it defensively.

"Okay, ma'am." Kairi said in his bored tone again. He put his glasses back on. "Why did you even want this part?" he asked.

"Well," Kukai thought his words over. "I'm the protagonist. I kick but! And I'm manly! I mean..."

**TBC**

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I probably might not update for quite a while. Taking advantage of labor-day break, y'know.

Till next time!


	4. Seiyo Academy we meet again

Battle of the Jacks

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Recap: Kairi finds Kukai in a women's costume and freaks out. Kukai is the Kung-fu princess!

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"So, why are you doing this?" Kairi asked Kukai, as he swung the wooden naginata around.

"There were no other available parts! And all transfer students have to do this, which I think is pretty pointless but whatever!" Kukai flicked his wig from his face. "But as the main character, I look pretty sexy!"

Kairi shuddered. "Just back away." He said, motioning him away when he accidentally touched Kukai's chest. Embarrassed, he removed it and flicked his stepbrother away instead. "Well, yea. Can you like, help me out?" Kukai asked desperately.

"How?"

"You know. Teach me some movements and kung-fu moves." Kairi shook his head. "It's not like I could teach you right now. This takes time, and it's in two days." Kukai frowned. "If you refuse to teach me then..." The former, older jack reached into the box and found the journal he was interested in. Kairi dived for it, but Kukai dodged him and kept the green-head away. In a monotone british accent, he started to read the journal's contents.

"It is another day at Seiyo Academy... and the Joker..." Kukai stopped reading aloud, but continued to scan the book. Kairi looked away in shame. He shouldn't have kept his journal stash there! Kukai laughed. "This is poetic, man! So detailed! You could publish this and send it to Hinamori!" He continued to laugh, and his voice got higher as Kairi's face got redder.

"Hm?" Kukai smirked.

"No, seriously man, that's gross. First, a back-flip..."

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Using a chara-change with Musashi, the would-be samurai did a backflip with ease. "Look upward. Otherwise, you'll lose focus and crash. I'll observe your progress." Kukai chara-changed with Daichi and got into position. He dashed real fast and tried a backflip... Kairi observed and watched.

_Help my poor brotha._

_Tries to do a backflip and,_

_He lands on his butt._

"That haiku wasn't even funny!" Kukai grimaced at the landing. After many hours of butt-breaking, constructive criticism, Kairi gave Kukai a thumbs up as he managed to do catch the naginata without any damage. "I'm putting ice on this," said the jock as he exited the room lifting up his kimono. Kairi wrote another haiku:

_Help my poor brotha._

_Out the room he runs past me,_

_like a true lady._

"YOU'RE GONNA PAY FOR THAT!" Kukai yelled. "You and me. The barber shop. Tomorrow!"

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**Back in Seiyo Academy:**

The guardians were having a meeting. Tadase was stacking some notes and reviewing things from a previous meeting. "Everyone, I have some news," Yaya perked up, Rima sipped a cup of cocoa, Nagihiko shrugged, and Amu was dazing at her prince. "There have been a motherload of shugo charas being born in Danchou Gakuen. We feel that it's necessary for them to team up with us."

"Team up?" Yaya asked curiously.

"Yes. That school, being an exclusive K through 12 academy would probably be targeted by Easter. They need to be aware of this. And besides..." He looked down with a slight frown.

"Hm? Speaking of which, that's where Iinchou goes now." Rima added.

"Eh!?" Everyone perked up. Nagihiko smiled in interest. "You mean, the former Jack? Sanjou Kairi? I've gotten into touch with Kukai. He's there too." Yaya gasped, and Rima spit out her drink. Amu looked at Tadase who remembered _that_ time at the airport when Kairi left them.

"That makes two guardians. Our jacks." Nagihiko nodded. "Let's visit them, shall we? And get this message across too! They could be our messengers. You know? A go-between that connects our schools together, no matter how far."

"So it's settled! We're going there tomorrow!" Yaya cheered.

Amu smiled. "I wonder what Kukai and Iinchou are up to." Tadase smiled nervously. "Y-yea..."

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A day passed by normally for the two brothers. The next day after that, that is the day of the performance, came. It was held after school, and many students gathered around eager to see the transfer students up there.

Kukai was backstage with the rest, looking at himself in the mirror. Him being a transfer student, he wished that Danchou Gakuen had at least a bit of a similar feel to Seiyo. It was totally different though, especially without the guardians. _I guess I'll make an impression,_ he thought. _I'm a totally different person. Literally._ Looking at the small kimono, he smoothed it.

Crug came by and pointed at Kukai's chest laughing. "Are those _real?"_

"No."

"Can I touch them?"

"Eew, no." Kukai slapped his hand away.

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Kairi was seated in the front, waiting for the show to start.

"Boo."

"Bob!?" The class prez's best bud was fiddling around with his hair and waved to him from the seat directly behind them.

"Yea. You look good with the contacts and stuff. Why'd you change your style all of a sudden?" Kairi looked away. _Stupid Kukai! Tricking me into it!_ Instead, Kairi sighed. "I don't know, maybe you could guess."

"Your brother?" Bob asked.

_He's psychic!_

"Fo' shizzle," Bob said in a nasally voice. Just then, random people sat next to him.

"You don't mind if we sit here?" asked the group of students who were apparently from another school. Bob nodded.

Kairi was relaxing until he heard the small talk that Bob was having with the others.

"So you're from Seiyo Academy you say? Know someone?"

"Yes," said someone with a familiar voice. Hearing that easygoing yet cooly voice, Kairi blushed. _They won't notice you..._

"Oh. And here's my friend, who obviously doesn't want to be noticed. Kairi saw Bob wink through the corner of his eye. _Aw man!_ Kairi turned around and was hit by nostalgia. "You all... "

"Eh?" Bob looked confused. "You know this guy here? The Kairi?"

"Uh-huh." Rima sighed. "You look weird."

Bob was flustered by Rima's appearance that was seemingly flawless. "Well, thank you."

Amu and Yaya gazed at Kairi in shock. What Bob said about his change in image was somewhat true. His hair was slightly shorter, and the back layered somewhat. The big difference was the loss of the glasses. The class prez looked away. "C-cut that out. The show's about to start," he stammered, as the curtains opened and a booming voice took over:

"Presenting the Kung-Fu princess!"

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	5. Kanazuyi and the Shrimp Chip

Battle of the Jacks

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Recap: Kukai is backstage, and the Guardians pay Danchou Gakuen a surprise visit.

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The Guardians watched in awe as the jock, perfectly disguised as Princess Kanazuyi walked onto the stage, looking majestic but stiff. Hackie-sacks bounced. Amu looked into Kanazuyi's face. _The facial structure and eyes... they are just too familiar._ Kairi was just too embarrassed to associate himself with his brother from this point on. He looked away.

"Iinchou's staring..." Yaya said with a smirk.

"I'm not!" Kairi whispered back, slightly irritated. "But that's a guy up there, so it's pretty weird!"

A servant walked onto the stage, bowing down at Kanazuyi. "You look splendid, princess. So splendid that it is impossible to see you scarred in battle. Are you really to go against your papa's wishes?" _Oh great, _Kairi thought. _This'll be interesting. Kukai was taught as much Kung-Fu in a night possible for an athletic human, but lacks the voice of a gir--_

"I do not care about father's wishes for my well-being at the moment." Kanazuyi said in a composed, high pitched matter.

"Gyaa! That voice is lovely!" Yaya squealed. "Ne, Rima? Like a true lady!"

"The voice cracked a bit... but it's nice." Rima said, staring blankly and seeing through the wig of Kanazuyi.

Just then, a bunch of actors in ninja costumes approach the scene, surrounding Kanazuyi, who steps back in surprise, adjusting 'her' belt, pulling out an adjustable naginata.

"Well done, Setako," a ninja says to the servant.

"S-setako!? A traitor? You were always much like my sister..." Kukai flicked the wig away from his face, and a trace of his own hair shown through the wig.

"I wonder why that person looks familiar. Whatcha think, Iinchou?" Amu asks the Jack.

"Probably, but there's a very slim probability." _Your face is too close! Not that this is unpleasant but..._ Just then, Kanazuyi looked toward the stage, seeing the interesting looking group with different uniform and his younger brother...

"A traitor as that of my younger- I mean, older brother," he continued as Kanazuyi. His girlish complex was diminishing. Amu and the rest watched in confusion.

"This is fishy," Yaya thought. "What a weird shifting voice this actress has." Tadase smiled nervously, knowing of the situation. Everything...

"Yes. Don't even think of calling for help. Your father is dead," Setako smirked.

"I WILL NOT FORGIVE YOU!" The fighting scene was obviously planned, but action-packed neverthless. What was disturbing however were the number of fan-boys who were trying to take pictures of the scene in disturbing angles. That was when Kanazuyi tripped off stage, sent towards the group... and it was off with the wig. Everyone gasped.

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Kairi rushed over to Kukai. "You okay?"

Kukai gave a weak thumbs up to his younger bro and everyone else. "I'm afraid that I've pulled a back muscle... and fractured my arm." He handed the naginata over to Kairi.

"What are you doing?"

"The show must go on, bro. Show them what you've got."

"ME!? DRESS AS KANAZUYI!? A KUNG-FU... _PRINCESS!?_" Musashi gave his owner an OOC wink, and chara-changed.

"I have the skills, however..." That was when Bob and Krug got out of their seats and started to chant out the green-head's name.

"KAIRI! KAIRI! KAIRI!!..." After a few rounds, the guardians, and eventually the cast and audience started to chant out his name.

"I will be honored..." Kairi said, still in chara-changed form, taking the naginata. After rushing backstage and changing in record time, the whole cast went back into position. The show went on.

Kukai, with Amu's help, made it to the nurse. "So you and Kairi are now stepbrothers? Going to the same school?"

"Yea."

"How is it, here?"

"It's cool. And, this iinchou is a cool guy, I guess. Sure, poetic, neat, traditional, sensible... but cool. He occasionally assists this rock band... yea. He'd make a cool musician, I guess."

"Yea... things changed ever since... nevermind," Amu thought back at the airport.

"GAAAH!" The two turned around to see Kairi being chased by a bunch of fanboys and girls.

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Kukai was feeling better the next day, although he had his arm in cast, and was eating shrimp chips; this time, the ham and cheese-flavored kind.

"So, congrats, bro. You're much more popular," Kukai said lazily as the green-head walked into the room.

"I had to run home and avoid the crowds thanks to you." Kairi snatched the chip from Kukai's hand. "The fans would distract the normality of my life so we might as well forget..."

"Don't even think about distractions or forgetting anything," Kukai said, taking a step towards Kairi, who in turn stepped back.

"Wha...?"

"I want the chip."

"No, I want it," Kairi said, about to pop it in his mouth when Kukai pulled out the naginata and whacked Kairi's hand, launching the chip in the air. After a various rounds of kung-fu, grabbing, slapping, and "I WANT/GIMME THE CHIP!", the chip fell out the window, and the two shugo charas Daichi and Musashi split the gigantic chip among themselves. Both looked out sadly.

"Please share some with us," both said simultaneously. The two charas just floated off to who-knows-where, with the chip between them.

"Please," said one.

"Please," said the other.

...and before they knew it, the two stepbrothers were crying and hugging each other, one with the cast, one with the empty bag of chips.

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